The Will of Doctor Eggman
by dyslexic-Carmie
Summary: Oneshot. The whole gang gathers to hear the will of the "dead" doctor. R/R.


After waiting over two hours for that anxious blue hedgehog to show up, Shadow felt annoyed enough to start the ceremony himself. It might not have been what the deceased doctor wanted, but Shadow was tired of waiting for the blue hedgehog to make an arrival. Besides if the doctor believed that idiotic hedgehog was qualified enough to give the reading, then the ultimate life form was beyond qualified.

"Well, everybody take a seat," Shadow said from behind the podium.

"We can't start yet! My fiancée hasn't arrived!" Amy screeched.

"You're engaged? Show me the lovely jeweled ring," Rouge said her eyes lighting up to the thought of jewels being in the room. A jewel being in this stuffy room would at least make something come out of this stupid ceremony.

"Well, he hasn't given me a ring-"

"Oh figures," Rouge butted in, disappointed. Most likely Sonic wasn't even close to even considering dating a stalker.

"Hey! My Sonic is going to give me the prettiest ring-"

"Everybody take a seat and be quiet!" Shadow yelled annoyed. Being in this suffocating room was bad enough, but being in a suffocating room listening to Amy go all fan girl on a wedding that will probably never happen was a zillion times worse.

"But, Mr. Shadow, we can't start without Mr. Sonic," Cream quietly after everybody had taken a seat.

"If Sonic cared enough he would be here," Shadow stated simply.

"I'm sure Sonic is just running a little late. He never betrays his friends," Tails said hopefully.

"News flash fox boy, Sonic and the fatso weren't exactly BBF's. They had another word for their relationship. Hmm… I believe it that word was MORTAL ENIMIES," Knuckles said.

"That's two words genius," Rouge smirked.

"Those two words can describe our relationship-"

"Oh, we are in a relationship now?"

"You guys can have this conversation after we finish this pointless ceremony," Shadow said, raising his voice, before Knuckles could argue back. "Now everybody turn your books to chapter forty-two."

"Mr. Shadow, why are we skipping all the other forty-one chapters?" Cream asked opening her large copy of _What I, Dr. Eggman, leave behind, written, published, and edited by me, Dr. Eggman__._

"The will doesn't start until chapter forty-two. For some reason, Egg-Head wanted us to read his whole life story before he started listing what he's leaving for us," Shadow stated.

"He sums up his whole life in forty-one chapters? That's impressive," Tails said admiringly.

"It's not that impressive. He just writes "_I was made fun of as a kid for my large mass"_ for the section marked childhood," Rouge stated as she skimmed though the oversized book.

"Okay, now that everybody is turned to chapter forty-two, we shall begin." Shadow gave everybody another dull look before he began reading. "_'I, Doctor Eggman, leave my friends, who can't come with me on this spiritual journey_-"

"Spiritual journey? Since when is Eggman a hippie person?" Knuckles asked cutting Shadow off.

"He started writing his will in the 1960's," Tails sagely informed the congregation.

"That explains those tacky pictures in chapters fourteen though sixteen," Rouge said pointing to a picture of the doctor sitting on the hood of a hippie van while holding a sign advertising "free hugs".

"Whatever, the doctor was once a hippie. Who cares?" Shadow asked, fairly annoyed on how easily everybody could get distracted. "Now everybody let's stay on chapter forty-two and finish this."

"Ha! Dude, Tails turn to chapter seven, you're gonna die when you see this!" Knuckles laughed ignoring Shadow's wishes.

"Knucklehead, that's not a very age appropriate picture," Rouge said trying to suppress her laughter at how stupid the doctor looked in the image.

"How is it not age appropriate?"

"_I, Doctor Eggman, leave my friends, who can't come with me on this spiritual journey to the afterlife, my earthly and universally possessions_," Shadow read cutting off yet another stupid conversation between those two. "_To my smart friend, Tails, I leave you-"_

"I'm home!" Sonic called out, cutting Shadow off, as he finally joined everybody for the will reading.

"Since when do you live at a funeral home?"

"Let's get this party started," Sonic said, ignoring the echidna's question, as he plopped himself down in one of the chairs.

"You're over two hours late. We've already started," Shadow said annoyed.

"Sorry about that guys. I was too busy trying to find something better to do," Sonic said leaning back in his chair. "What is everybody reading anyway?"

"We are reading _What I, Dr. Eggman, leave behind, written, published, and edited by me, Dr. Eggman_, Mr. Sonic," Cream answered.

"The big guy wrote a book?"

"Yes, you of all people should know this. Dr. Eggman asked you to lead the will reading, you know, right before he DIED," Shadow snarled, his quills bristling.

"Then step aside, buddy, and let the chosen one do his work," Sonic said, striking a pose. He then dutifully walked towards the podium.

"Be my guest," Shadow spat out as he sat down to let Sonic take over.

"Okay, everybody open to the first chapter-"

"But the will doesn't start till chapter forty-two," Amy stated.

"Well, sunny-side up wanted me to read this entire thing so chapter one," Sonic belted out as a large groan was heard from the crowd. "_Hello friends, I am the beloved Doctor Eggman and I applaud you for taking the time to open and read my book_-"

"This is going to take forever. Can't we just start on chapter forty-two?"

"_The fact that I am able to write a book just warms my soul, like a wool sock warms a fluffy animal. I can't begin to explain how wonderful it is for me to be capable of using hands with ten fingers on them type on a computer that allows my will to be written out. Isn't it just wonderful?_" Sonic read ignoring the plea.

"Kill me now. This is going to take forever. I just want to know what the fat man left me."

"_The fact that I have ten fingers just blows my mind. Isn't that just wonderful too? Ten fingers! Ten! One! Two! Three! Four! Five! Six! Seven! Eight! Nine! Ten fingers! It's just splendid!"_

"Is he just trying to make it as wordy as possibly?"

"_I love my fingers! When I was little I would make little hats for each finger and draw mustaches on them_," Sonic read. "There's a cute little picture on what his hand looked like in the left corner."

"And there's also a picture of Eggman stuck in a revolving door in chapter twenty-eight. Seriously, can we just go to chapter forty-two?" Shadow asked annoyed.

"Everything Eggman wrote for us is important. Now let's continue. _'My fingers were my ten best friends. I even gave them names. My right middle finger female name was Jane Ellen Monty, and my right middle finger's male name was Peter Michel Purdy_."

"Fingers are so overrated," Knuckles said as Sonic continued reading the stupid finger naming part in which Eggman vividly described the personalities and relationships between his fingers.

"You're only saying that because you don't have any," Rouge said as Sonic still continued reading the finger part.

"_And my toes had names too! All ten of them! Beth, Ben, Burt, Bailey, Barney, Blake, Brittney, Breccia, Brandy, Bernie, and Birdy! Oh, they were fabulous!_" Sonic read. "On the bottom of this page there is a picture of Eggman's foot."

"Why did he give eleven names? He only has ten toes," Tails noted.

"_And like my toes and fingers, I also was very much in love with my teeth! And my mustache and my nose…_"

The will reading went on like this for a long time. Dr. Eggman still couldn't believe how successful his fake death plan was turning out to be. It was almost too amazing that all of these idiots gathered in this room expecting to get great gifts, only to be trapped in a prison. Seriously, did these idiots really think that he would leave them anything at all?

**A/N**

**Well I decided to write a Sonic story to help my buddy Smash out. And that's all I have to say.**

_**Smash/Note. Thanks. Oh, and nice story btw. If anyone needs a beta reader, pm me. That is all.**_


End file.
